


A Mordhaus Christmas Story

by Holkie



Category: Metalocalypse (Cartoon)
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-24
Updated: 2018-12-24
Packaged: 2019-09-26 11:56:37
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,706
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17141303
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Holkie/pseuds/Holkie
Summary: Every so often I go looking for a story and discover I hadn't posted it here!!!  As it's Christmas, correcting this one right now.  This is about 7 years old as I post it.One of the boys first Christmases as a band in Mordhas.





	A Mordhaus Christmas Story

It was er, the day before Christmas. Hey, this is Mordhaus! Not many of the owners stirred before Noon and stayed up well after Midnight. So schedules were not the same as the rest of the world.

Charles Ofdensen was the only 'boss' up before Noon, besides the multitudes of the black hooded roadies, aka Kloketeers, who kept Mordhaus running. He was preparing for the midday meeting, not that the band would pay much attention or even do what he asked. But it was the last meeting before the holiday week and he still tried to make it a useful one.

The Kloketeers' Christmas bonus checks had been signed and given out the day before. Holiday meals were in the works. But the only part of Mordhaus with holiday decorations, whether for Chanukah or Christmas or the rare Yule, were only in the employees' rooms or work areas where the band never went.

For the band, Christmas was just another day. All of the guys had family issues with the holiday and the two Scandinavians didn't really get the American way of celebrating the holiday. Oh, sure, Toki loved the candy, but he didn't need access to any more candy than normal.

But this one Christmas felt….odd even to the lawyer. For some reason, he felt the same anticipation that he had felt as a kid. The sky was heavy with snow clouds. The whole day just seemed like something special was about to happen.

And for once, even the guys were….alert? They didn't shuffle into the board room. Yeah, alright, Toki was still hyper, but that didn't get on anyone's nerves the way it usually did. They seemed to pay attention for a change.

Almost pay attention. They were as restless as he was.

With a sigh, the lawyer rubbed his nose. "Well, it is a holiday. I guess we have covered we need to do today. Just remember you are playing three songs for a New Year's Eve concert that will be televised. Nathan, have you picked or written the songs for the show?"

The singer, who was about flick a paper 'football' at Toki, replied. "Uh, yeah. I wrote a new one and we gonna do a couple old ones. We're ready, yeah."

"Then I guess that…" Charles didn't get a chance to finish before the guys were out of their seats and into the hallway.

"Is going to gos see if it's snowings yet!" Toki yelled as he took off for the nearest door to the outside. "Its is!!! Snowballs fights!"

A white missile streaked down the hall and hit Murderface in the back of the head. He had been headed back to the main room to watch some TV.

"HEYS!" The bassist turned with a glare. "Tokith!"

The Norwegian grabbed a coat from a hook by the door and bolted outside. (Ofdensen had seen that there was always coats in the band's sizes by any door to the outside appropriate to the season. Otherwise, some of them would just wander out into the cold or wet.) The brunette's laughter came in followed by several snowballs, most of which found their targets.

Struggling into coats, the rest of the band ran out into the side yard after Toki, who plastered them again with more snow.

Soon there was a full fledged snow war on. Toki, Skwisgaar, and Pickles, being use to snowy winters, were able to make and throw snowballs better and faster than the other two. It took Nathan a bit before he got the habit of making a firm ball that didn't fall apart on the way to it's target. Hey, the singer spent most of his youth in Florida!

After awhile, just as the fight was calming down a bit, Charles stepped out to see if they were going to do any work that day. "Gentlemen, it's really starting to……."

Five snowballs flew through the air and splattered on and around him. Two hit close on the wall by the door. One grazed the lawyer's shoulder, one hit just over his heart on his suit, and the last dead center of his tie.

The five band members froze as the lawyer looked down at the snow and brushed it off of his suit. He looked up with a glint in his eyes and just the hint of a smile on his lips. In rapid fire, five snowballs flew through the air and each hit their intended targets over each man's heart.

Charles adjust his tie and buttoned his suit jacket closed. "Gentlemen, if you are quite done here, Jean-Pierre has fresh cookies and hot chocolate in the main room."

"Hots chocos- lates! Wowie!" Toki charged for the door. "Thanks you, Charlies! Coooookies!"

"Ah, fuck! He's gonna eat too much sugar again!" Nathan growled as he stomped into the 'haus to shake off the snow and hang up the coat. He almost tripped over the jacket Toki had just dropped on the floor.

The rest of the band trailed in, peeling coats that more or less got hung up the right hooks. They found Toki in the main room, curled up on the sofa, a mug of hot chocolate in his hands, a small pile of cookies beside him, and slowly channel surfing the television.

They spent a few hours watching bits of holiday specials, not staying on anything too long until they found some anti-holiday horror movies on some cable channel.

Jean-Pierre prepared them a holiday dinner with some special Swedish and Norwegian treats besides some of the usual American traditional foods.

Charles joined them for a change. He usually didn't eat with the band. But for some reason, even the guys wanted the company. They were finishing with desert and egg nog when there as commotion above them.

It was late, well towards midnight, so there wouldn't be anyone doing roof work at that hour. Besides, it didn't sound like construction noises. It sounded like hooves and a sliding noise like…..a sled along the roof slates?

Charles got on the intercom to have their security check it out. But the sound continued on and off, all over the whole of Mordhaus. It was joined by commotions in different parts of the 'haus, in the Roadies' quarters, in the office areas, etc.

Finally the lawyer contacted their security to find out what was going on.

"I'm not really sure what to say, sir." the answer came back. "But it's…. gifts and decorations and…."

There was no sound for a long moment. Finally, in a small voice, the security Kloketeer on the other end said. "I think….it ….was Santa Claus."

The men looked at each other, all with serious "What the fuck" looks on their faces. They pushed their chairs back as they rose in almost in sync to find out what was going on in the depths of Mordhaus.

Normally, the band wouldn't bother. They'd let their lawyer take care of it. But they were both bored and curious at this point in the night.

They wound up at the furthest part of the 'haus from their normal haunts, staring in complete amazement. It was the Kloketeers' cafeteria, in full Martha Stewart Metal Christmas and piled high with gifts. Which it hadn't been before.

There was a clatter in another part of the 'haus and they went off to see if they could catch whoever was doing it. As soon as they got to where the noise seemed to come from, it had moved. So they picked up their pace until they were running.

Finally, panting and gasping, they stumbled back to where they started in their part of Mordhaus. The dinning room had been decorated like the rest of the house.

The last commotion of the night came from their main room. But this time they heard a voice as the racket died down. A deep voice that rumbled out. "Even Dethklok gets a holiday, boys! Merry Metal Christmas to you all! HO! HO! HO!"

"What the fuck!" Nathan managed to get out.

"Youth don't think?" Murderface asked.

Pickles shook his head. "Naw, can't be, dood. He ain't real."

Charles looked at the group. "I don't know, Pickles. You've raised a troll with your music. So why not Santa Clause."

Toki looked both confused and hopeful. "Is don't unders stands. Yous think Julenisse is heres?"

"Julie what?" Nathan rumbled.

"Julenisse, Nathan. That is the Norwegian Father Christmas." Charles answered. "I don't know, Toki."

"Ja, is dil…." Skwisgaar started and then changed his mind. He wasn't going to take a chance if he was real. "Is don't knows, Tokis. Maybes…."

Overhead, there was the sound of hooves on the roof again and the sliding sound. Then nothing but bells and an echo of "ho ho ho!" again.

They looked at each other again. And, again as one, moved down the hallway to the main room. There was only a little light coming from the room into the hall. The six men moved into the room in awe at what they saw.

In the normally brutal room, there was now a tall tree. It almost as tall at the ceiling. The ornaments were brutal though- sliver skulls, black garland, little axes, swords, guitars, drums and dragons. All sort of dragons. Hanging from the fireplace mantel were black leather stockings packed full of stuff.

And under the tree were gifts, wrapped in black paper with Facebones on it.

Nathan, Toki, Skwisgaar, Murderface, Pickles, Charles all stared with their jaws open. There was no way any normal person could have done this in the short time they had been chasing around Mordhaus. This would have taken a whole day at the very least. And it was nothing any of the guys would have done.

The lawyer found his voice first. "I guess, you should sit down, boys. I'll…..hand out the gifts."

They worked their way though the smaller gifts, clothes mostly, practical things, even if they were top of the line. Until they were down to the last six large gifts under the tree.

Toki had attacked his stocking already and was working through the candy in it and Nathan was trying to take the thing from him so he didn't eat it all in one go.

"Well, these are the last of the gifts and there is one for each of us." Charles said. He handed them out to each and took his own to one of the chairs.

The lawyer opened the small card that was with the package. "I hope these are to your liking, Charles. They were hard to get. Santa."

Charles snorted lightly as he peeled the paper off. When he had opened it enough to see what was inside, he stopped and stared. There seemed to be two framed paintings inside. The one on top was a minor work of one of his favorite artists that he had tried to get when it came up for auction earlier in the year. The bidding had gone high quite fast and he lost out due to being distracted at the last moment by actions of the band. The other was something that disappeared during WW 2 and thought destroyed.

The lawyer just stared at the art in complete shock, speechless.

Murderface was opening his gift with his knife. He almost sliced open the box, too, but thought better of it. Inside was a Confederate sword, matched set of pistols, and old style photographs from Civil War battlefields. The note with them detailed which battles they were from.

Nathan's box was rather heavy. He found out why as he lifted the lid. Inside was a custom made double headed axe. It had demon skulls decorating it. Also inside was a gift certificate for a suit of armor, made for him in any style he wanted.

Pickles found a case of alcohol when he pulled the paper off of his gift. But not just any booze. The most expensive and finest Irish whiskey, Kentucky bourbon, Russian vodka, etc that was ever made. Some of which were produced in only a few bottles the run was so limited.

Toki read his card, which was written in Norwegian, and then tore into the wrapping. Inside was three oversized model kits. The card had told him that each was a one of a kind special plane model, made just for him. If he wanted when they were built, he could put motors in them and fly them. And that there would be other models to follow during the year as he finished putting these together.

And there was also a special set of tools just for the models.

Skwisgaar's box had some mechanical noises coming from it. He peeled the paper back before he got to the wooden box inside and the letter, in Swedish, on top of it. He read it once and then again in disbelief before putting it to one side and carefully lifting the lid.

As he stared into the box, a head popped up. A small dragon head. The mechanical noises were a little louder now. Then they were drowned out but a tiny, tinny roar. The sound made the other men in the room look toward the guitarist and his gift.

Just as it hopped out of the box. It was a mechanical dragon, about the size of a large house cat. It had wings that it stretched out as it roared again. It then settled it's wings back against it's back as it looked at the blond.

"What the fuck is that, blondie?"

"Mys….dragon." Skwisgaar stared in growing awe. "Mys dragon! De notes said its obeys my voices and it's can flys, too!"

The small dragon walked towards the blond, who leaned forward and held out his arms. "Ups!"

The dragon actually hopped up on Skwisgaar's arm and then rubbed it's head on his shoulder.

"Wowie, Skwisgaar! Dats cool!" Toki said. "Buts yous nots going to attacks my planes when Is fly dem, are yous?"

Skwisgaar, totally captivated by his gift, muttered "Dats dildos, Tokis. He nots eats planes."

After awhile, each of the men took their one special gift off to their rooms, to put them away safe. Except for Skwisgaar, who was off teaching his dragon tricks.

Toki didn't stay in his room long. He was wandering around looking at everything that had appeared during the night. He was buzzed a few times by the dragon as he got closer to the main room. Nathan had to tell Skwisgaar to knock it off as he was buzzed, too, as he wandering around himself.

"Hey, Na'tans! Whats you doings ups?" Toki grinned him. "Seeings if Julenisse left anythings elses?"

"Uh? No, looking to see that you don't eat all your candy tonight." The singer rumbled.

"Noes, Is wants to save somes for laters." the brunette replied. "Merry Christmas, Na'tans."

"Ah, yeah, merry whatever." Nathan said. He looked up and grinned. "Hey, Toki, look up!"

The younger man looked up and saw what the singer was pointing at, mistletoe. "Ohs, yous gots to kiss mes now."

"Oh, you just want everything, do you?" The singer backed the guitarist up against the door frame.

Toki reached up and grabbed Nathan's t-shirt. "Ja, Is does."

The singer crushed the guitarist's mouth as his hand threaded into his long hair, pulling his head back. His tongue pushed past his lips and teeth to taste the peppermint from the candy canes Toki had consumed earlier. The guitarist sucked on his tongue like it was a candy cane as he moaned.

Nathan broke the kiss with a growl. "Wanna go to bed now? I still have to give you your gift."

Toki cocked his head. "Umm. Is thought Is give yous yours gifts instead."

"Oh, you think so, do you, Wartooth?"

"Ja. Is feeling in charge tonights."

"Well, let me think about that." Nathan replied as they walked down the hallway. "It is Christmas…. Might be nice for you do to all the work for a change."

"Ja, Is can works off de sugars Is had earliers." Toki said with a wicked grin. "Is gots plans for yous."

Nathan just grinned right back at him


End file.
